Contrary to popular opinion I do not have a cleaning OCD. I do, however, enjoy a tidy house.
About a year ago I was feeling overwhelmed by trying to juggle everything in my life. My husband being the nice person that he is, offered to take some things off my plate in terms of housework. I rattled off a few things that seem to take up a lot of my time every day or every week and he chose to do the dishes.
He offered to do the dishes!
So prior to my husband offering to do the dishes, I would typically do them every other day. I hated having dirty dishes but I also hated doing them.
When my husband took over the chore, it started being done only once a week or once every 10 days. When he would do the dishes there would never be enough room in the dishwasher to clean everything. Dishes would go through the dishwasher and still be dirty and all of the rotting food bits made our kitchen stink! We also went through a lot of paper plates since the dishes were not being done. This wasn’t what I had in mind.
The way he chose to do the dishes drove me absolutely bonkers I hated it and it made me really angry.
Things did not go as planned
It caused a lot of fights when I would request the dishes be done, you know, so I could cook food for our family. My husband would push back because he didn’t like being bossed around which I understand. So the more I asked, the more he would resent me.
I stopped trying to control the person I loved
So after the year of the dirty dishes, I decided to take that chore back and not ask my husband to help with any additional chores. He already takes care of the trash and a few other things so I’m going to stop having this fight.
I’ll take this as a lesson learned, its not worth micromanaging the way other people are doing chorse if it will make me mad. I end up having to do them anyway after fighting to have someone else do them, so why have the fight in the first place?
I guess this might be a fight that I have with my daughter when she’s old enough for chores but for right now I’m not my husband’s parent and I’m not gonna boss him around like a child.
You may be thinking that I’m crazy that I should’ve stood my ground and demanded equity in the household chores. But I want to tell you that I am 100 times happier just doing the damn dishes and I would be if I had to fight with my husband for him to do them.
Here is my dishes washing schedule for the past several weeks
- dishes get washed every day no matter what and this can include handwashing to get everything clean or it could be just putting things in the dishwasher and if it’s not full I’ll run it the next day. The end result is an empty sink that I can wipe down
- The dishwasher gets unloaded as needed I’ll either do this in the morning before I head out to work or I’ll do it after dinner before I start washing dishes
If you came here to get tips on how to make your spouse to more housework I don’t have any for you.
Instead I’ll encourage you to pick your battles.